Kristen's thoughts...

2005-10-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

That is my nephew Kev...isn't he the cutest thing???

I know I should be sleeping...but I don't feel like it. Every morning I set my alarm for the "ideal" time to wake up, and every morning I sleep a good half hour after it goes off. I am the snooze queen. I want to get in the habit of waking up and working out, because I know that when I get home from work I am too lazy to do it. But I don't see that happening.
So, I started my new job about a month ago. It feels like I have been there for longer. Anyway, the first week of work I was overwhelmed and a little depressed. I couldn't wait to finish school so I can get a "real job", and now that I have one, I was thinking, THIS IS IT??? I mean, isn't there more to life that raising through the week just to get to the weekend? I thought, is this how my life is going to be forever? What do I have to look forward to? I still feel partially the same way, but I also feel fortunate to have found this job, and be in a field that offers me limitless opportunities. This is my first job, and it is a great first job. I work in the middle school, and I love the kids. It is perfect for someone that is my age, because I am not too old that I don't remember what school was like, or what it was like to be 13. But, it is only the beginning. I want to be a success, and build a name for myself. I was hopeful that I would use this job as a spring board, to get my name out there, and network with people, so that when it came around to getting a better job, I would know the people that could help me to do that. In my internship last year, I entered a shy person, not very confident in my abilities. I left there knowing wonderful people, and I thought I had changed my shy ways. I am not a shy person, but when I am around people I don't know, I tend to be shy at first. I am very insecure about my age and my "youthful look", and I feel that it gives people the impression that I don't know what I am doing. I work in a school district, but not for the school. I work for a not-for-profit agency, and I am under a grant. I went to a "school social worker" meeting today, and I felt out of place. It is usually only open to the district social workers, but I was invited because it was an informative meeting about the PINS program. Anyway, I got the feeling right away that I don't belong there, and they all treated me that way. I hate it when you go to talk, and people don't even acknowledge what you just said. Do you repeat it, or do you let it go. I let it go. I get so mad at myself for not speaking up, and I have improved in that area over the years, but there is still a lot of space for improvement. I guess what I am trying to say, it is uncomfortable when you feel that people doubt your skills. Anyway...enough of my rambling. I have to go to bed....

2005-10-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

I was nosing around reading some of the bloggers and I took this stupid quiz...what the hell.

You are a
Social Liberal
(66% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(16% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

2005-10-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Artistic	\|\|	10%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|	16%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|	16%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Wealth	\|\|	10%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|	17%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I just took this test...and it is not that accurate. I found that the longer the test took I was zoning out, and I didn't answer as correctly as possible. Oh well. I love these stupid tests, as if they are going to help me to be more self-aware...please.

2005-09-28T17:15:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have posted. I started my new job, and it has been great so far. I work in 2 middle schools as a social worker, and it is awesome. I sit around and talk about these kids problems (fights, sucky family situations...etc.). I have a big caseload, which keeps me busy, which I love. The girl that had my job last year is now working in one of the elementary schools. She is about a year older than me, and seems to think she is better than I am. The last 2 days she has been coming in to the schools to say "goodbye" (for the second time), to her students from last year. You think 12 and 13 year old kids really care that she left? They are like, "Yeah, u called me out of class for this?". It is pretty funny. But, she is severely messing up my schedule. All of the kids I have are mandated to see me, so I have to see them once a week. Today I had no idea she was coming, and I had my schedule all made, and then she shows up and resumes to sit in my office and call down all of "her kids" from last year. They are not the kids I needed to see today, in fact, I don't even have most of them for clients. Whatever...hopefully she won't come back. I am getting my first "real" paycheck this thursday. Actually, it is only for one week, because I came in the second week of the pay period. We get paid every 2 weeks, so by the end of the 2 weeks I am sure I will be penniless because all of my bills are due this week. I am just excited to see how much it is for. It is actually pretty funny, because I am running an anger management group after school and I have 2 interns helping me. The interns are my age and older. I mean...wierd. I mean, I was just an intern last year. I hope they aren't looking to me to teach them anything. LOL.
Brian is now in school until 10 p.m....and I am bored.
One last note. Since I last wrote I had an accident with a pedestrian. I actually hit a Mexican guy riding a bicycle. I was turning right on red, a legal right, and he was crossing the street in front of me and I hit him, obviously I didn't see him. It was 6 am in the morning, and I was driving home from work. I was so upset. He hurt his leg...nothing serious, but I am traumatized, and refuse to make that right anymore. My mom just called me to tell me that another Mexican guy on a bike got hit around the corner from me. Horrible. Anyway...

2005-09-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

I wish I can say that I haven't posted in a while because I am busy, but that is not that case. I have been enjoying my last couple weeks of summer, and now it is over...:(. I start my new job on monday, and I am anxious. I don't really know what to expect. It is exciting but scary. What my anxiety all comes down to is the fear that I won't be good enough. The women I will be working with have been in the field for a long time. Even though it has only been a few months since my internship ended, I feel like I have lost all of my "social work skills." At the end of my last internship I was pretty confident in my ability, even though I still have a lot to learn. I am hoping that once I am back in that setting it will all come back to me. I have to take this licensing exam as soon as I am eligible, and it is stressful. The amount of material I need to know is insane. There is no possible way a person can know every single theory, concept, diagnosis, and medication. The review book is like 700 pages. I didn't realize how complicated studying would be. If I would have known that I would have started studying in the beginning of the summer, but of course I suffer from an extreme case of procrastination.
But as sit here and watch Dr. Phil, I feel that my anxiety can not compare to the problems that the victims of the hurricane are facing. I mean, these people lost everything. I read yesterday that they need volunteers, and I would go down there in a heartbeat if I wasn't starting my job next week. So sad.

2005-08-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while, I don't know why, I guess I just haven't had much to say. Well, I just got back from Block Island. Brian and I went and visited his aunt, who had a beachhouse there for the week. It was really nice. The water was nice and clean. OHHH, and I finally got a job!!! A job I wanted too! I interviewed for it last thursday. It is a not-for-profit youth agency, that is in Shirley (not the best area). They are funded by a grant, and the position I was going for was a school social worker in 2 of the middle schools in the district. It doesn't pay great, but it is exactly what I wanted to do, and it will look great on my resume. I am so excited! On the way over to Block Island I was getting myself bummed out because they told me they would call me by thursday, and I figured if they wanted me for the position they would have called me right away. I talked to the woman again today, and she said that she interviewed a lot of people for the position, and she said that when she called my references from my internship this year they told her how wonderful I was, and that she should stop looking because I would be great for the job! That felt good. So, I start September 19th, and I am psyched! I have a lot to do before then. I have to take my licensing test ASAP. I took a practice one online today, and I scored a 55. NOT GOOD! Most of the questions I had no idea what the answer was. I have to study right away. All of the review courses online are like over 100 dollars. I mean...JESUS CHRIST...I am a freaking social worker...how much money do they think I make? I am happy that I get to quit my job at the gym. I have been there for over 7 years now, and I am sooo ready to leave. Those 4 am shifts really kill me.
Tomorrow I am getting my hair done by my sister at the shop she works at. AHHH!! I am nervous. I like my colorist, he is so good, but I don't have the money, and my sister has been begging me to come in for months...soo I finally will. It is actually funny though, because she booked me and my older sister to come in on the same day, only an hour apart from one another. I called her to see if I could come in earlier or next week, so Shannon won't be there for hours (she is getting a babysitter, and the last time she took 4 hours!). She was like, " Yeah, come in at 12." She thought she hung up the phone, and that little bitch started complaining to her boyfriend that we shouldn't be picky since she is doing us a favor. WTF?? I mean...I will just got to my guy. I called her back and told her I heard the convo, and she was like,"Nooo, I want you to come in, and I am just really cranky...etc.". WHATEVER! Well...I guess that is all that has happened....

2005-08-04T17:20:00.000-07:00

Our cable is on the fritz again, so we have no phone or online. I am currently at my dad's house, babysitting my little brother. He just went to sleep, thank god, and now I can go online. I have babysat for my family all day, and it seems that is all I do now. I don't mind though. At least they will grow up knowing who I am. My little brother is 1 years old, and he is the cutest thing. He looks like a miniature of my dad. He has blonde hair, and these gorgeous blue eyes. He is a handful though! He is into everything. Right before I put him to bed he was yanking my hair out of my head...I was like, time for bed! This weekend is a big family weekend. Saturday my dad is having a big bbq at his house because my grandparents are here from Florida, and sunday is my nephews christening, and I am the godmother, so I have to be in tip top shape for sunday. She is also having a bbq. Tomorrow I have work from 4am-10, and then I am babysitting for 1 year old twins all day. I should be in a wonderful mood tomorrow night! My friend Heather called me tonight telling me that she wants to go out tomorrow night. I feel bad because of her breakup, but I am taking a civil service test early morning saturday...so I told her no. We will just end up going to the same place we go to every weekend...fun! Well...I am going to go and clean up. Not only do I not get paid but I have to clean up after the monster...

2005-08-01T18:08:00.000-07:00

This weekend, my friend Heather and her boyfriend broke up. It is sad when things like this happen to people you know. Break ups suck! No matter who does the dumping, it is heart breaking either way, even if it is for the best. I never want to go through that again, it has to be the worst feeling in the world. So, Heather met this guy in October of last year. He is in the navy, and would come home sporadically throughout the year. He came home in June for good, and they have been together excusively since. Heather is the type of girl that always had her life mapped out. She wanted to be engaged by 25, married by 27, kids by 29...white picket fence...blah blah blah...the all american dream. Things have not been working out according to her plan. Needless to say, her boyfriend has had a trip planned to go to Amsterdam for 10 days with a friend, and she has been dreading it for months. They are the type of couple that fight a lot, but when they are good, they are good. Sure enough, Heather and I go out on saturday night, and they ended up breaking up that night as well. Brian seems to think that it is because he wants to fuck around in Amsterdam, and of course I didn't think he would go to that extreme to have a few cheap thrills. Sure enough, it sounds like he was right. Heather has been crying and lying around depressed, and she went to drop his things off today at his house and they went out to lunch. I thought she was going to tell me that she was getting back with him, and as selfish as that sounds, I was going to be mad. Sometimes you get to a point as a friend that you have heard the same thing over and over again, and have given the best advice you can think of, and it is frustrating when after all that work and time she still ends up going back with the person. I know that everyone does what they want to do, and I have no control over their decisions, but it is frustrating nonetheless.
You know, everytime I go to a wedding I get a feeling that I don't buy into all of the wedding hooplah. The white dress, and the tux, and all of the people there to witness it...I don't know. I was not one of those girls that grew up dreaming of what their wedding was going to be like, and what kind of dress I was going to wear. When the day comes I want something small, and casual. I am a pretty cynical person when it comes to marriage. Every person in my family and extended family has divorced, and in a way I almost expect it. It is a lovely idea that a couple will stay together for the rest of their life, but is it realistic? At the same time, I also buy into wanting to be married by the time I am 30 and have children...etc. It is as if I am brain washed from so many years of hearing that if you are single in your 30's you are destined to die lonely. It is as if I want to know where I am going to end up. I appear calm, cool, and collected on the outside, but I am really a big ball of anxiety. Right now I have some many decisions to make. It was easier when I was in school and I knew my goal was to get my degree, and I knew what I wanted to major in. But now that it is over, I am left with what path do I take now? I do believe that whatever I choose to do will be what I am meant to do at that time. I am starting to feel this pressure now that the summer is coming to an end very quickly. People are starting to ask me when I am going to get a "real" job. I am dead broke. I want a job, but do I take a job that I don't want just for the sake of getting a pay check and experience? Or do I hold out for a job in the area I really want to be in? I know I need to just go with the flow...but it is starting to become very difficult.

2005-07-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

This has been a long ass week. My teeth suck! My new dentist feels the need to put caps over many of my teeth, and they kill me. Either he doesn't put them on right, or they fall out, but basically I don't think he knows what he is doing. I should have stuck with the asshole dentist that did a decent job and knew what the hell he was doing. I feel like going to the dentist is my new job, and everytime I leave there I have to go back within a few days because he f###### something else up in my mouth. Why was I born with piss ass genes? No one else in my family besides my mother has these problems. My older sister had beautiful teeth, and never has any problems. Brian has not gone to a dentist for a normal check up in over 6 years...I mean wtf??
I still can't find a job...and there isn't even anything advertised anywhere for social workers. I am beginning to resign myself to the fact that I will have to work with the adult mentally ill, or the developmentally disabled. I really wanted to work with children or adolescents, but that is not where the jobs are at right now. My friend Heather just got a teaching job in Center Moriches making a lot of money, and I am happy for her, but I am also jealous. She is good at what she does, so I am glad she has something permanent.
I took my dog Simba to the beach twice this week and slept over on my dad's boat. He loves it there. He has grown up going to Davis Park every summer, but this summer is different because my dad has a new wife and a baby, so it is harder for me to sleep there every week. Not to mention we have my lil dog coop to worry about, and I can't leave him out all the time. Simba is a yellow lab, and he just turned 11 years old. He is in really good shape for his age, but cannot get up and down stairs too easily. On the boat there are these 3 steps that go into the kitchen and the bedroom and he stood at the top of them for 45 minutes on saturday waiting to come down, but thinking he couldn't do it. I finally just pushed him, and then he had no choice. He has been sleeping now for the entire week because he is so tired. It doesn't take much anymore to wear him out. I cried on saturday night because it is so sad to see him get old, and know that he will only be around for a couple more years if I am lucky. He is the best behaved dog I have ever met. I love him! A lot of other shit happened this week, but I really don't want to get into it...

2005-07-27T15:30:00.000-07:00

I am not at my house right now writing this, so there is going to be no picture today. My internet has been broken for about a week! The phone too! They tell Brian that they will be at my house on monday from 8-6pm...no show. I call them, and they tell me that they will be at my house before 6 p.m. At 4 p.m. I realize that the phone and the internet are working. I canceled them. Then it stops working...so now I have to go through the whole run around again. It is a good thing I don't have a full time job yet. So...that is why I haven't been posting. Well...a lot has happened, but my nephew is crying so I can't write more. A shrill cry....Hopefully I will be able to post soon. BYE!!

2005-07-22T15:49:00.000-07:00

Yay...it is Friday. I look forward to fridays all week, and then they come and all my plans go to shit. My mom is away for 2 weeks, and I have the house to myself. I have realized in the last couple days the amount of work my mom does in a given day to keep this house clean. Just the little things, like remembering to put the garbage and recycling bin out on the correct day, or windexing the glass table, or watering the plants...I hate it. I would never be good at planting flowers or having plants around my house because I would kill them. I am trying to be relaxed, but I can see the house going to shit right before my eyes. The dishes are constantly piled up in the sink, and the lack of help from Brian doesn't help. He has taken over the living room, and I feel like a nag when I tell him to straighten up. He tells me to relax, because my mom will not be home for a week. I am not a clean freak, and Brian is better at cleaning then I am (when he cleans), but I become my mother when she leaves...nag nag nag.
I worked this morning, and did shit for the rest of the day. I just finished a book, "Twilight", by Katherine Mosby. I am iffy on how I feel about. It was good, but not great. I don't even think I would recommend it to anybody. I love when I finish a book, I feel a sense of accomplishment, but at the same time depressed because I have nothing new to read. Actually, I went and bought a few books yesterday, so I have a line up. I love that. I went to this new book store by my house, called "Bargain Books," and it is packed with books, but there is no organization system, so you have to look through everybook to find a certain author. I like knowing the author or the book before I buy it, but I have found some good books just from picking them up without knowing anything about them. I have a tendency to read all of the books an author puts out if I like one book that that author wrote. The thing about that is that you see how similar the books are. Well, I can go on and on about this subject forever, so I will just stop.
Oh, and an update, Brian and I have heard nothing back from our interviews yet! Depression setting in...REJECTION. OH well...I try to tell myself that the job I take will be the one that I am meant to have at that time. The sad thing is that there isn't even any openings posted in the papers or on websites...!! Well, now that I have bored you with this post, I will sign off.

2005-07-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

It is now almost 8 p.m. on another shitty monday. DRAMA...what else is new. I mean there is always something in my family...NEVER A DULL MOMENT. My sister calls me today(that is her in the picture)and tells me that the moles she got removed a couple weeks ago came back positive for skin cancer. She just went to have them checked out...it is just such a reality check. I LOVE laying in the sun, and I thought I was too young to worry about this shit. I guess not. She is a new mother, she has a beautiful 4 month old, and it is just not right. I mean, I am sure she will be fine, but the word cancer freaks me out. She is going in for surgury on August 4th...so I guess we will see. And of course my mom is away for 2 weeks. She is the person that would have helped Shannon out with this...I mean, I know I am a social worker, but what really is the right thing to say to her? I mean, I know all of the social work techniques, supportive listening, validate her feelings...blah blah blah. But when it comes to my sister, there really is no words to say that would make her feel better. I mean I was just thinking today that I hope it is nice out tomorrow so I can tan because I am starting to get pail. I mean, how vain am I? My sister isn't even a sun goddess anymore. Well, looks like it is 45 sunscreen all the way from now on...
Anyway...I went to the dentist today and my teeth are soo messed up. They are just horrible! They put caps on a couple of them, and they didn't hurt before they did that, and now I can't even chew on that side. Now, my other side hurts...I mean, I am seriously an ibuprofen addict. I have finished about half a bottle in a week. I am a maniac! And I am sure that isn't good for me either. What else is going on? Well, I am starting to get VERY bored! I know everyone that works full time is rolling their eyes, and saying oh please, I wish. I used to be like that too. But with no job prospects popping up, and no call backs, it is looking grim. I mean I work part time and I wouldn't even want anymore hours there because I am just sick of it, but I need something!! Well, I need to start dedicating myself to working out, or something productive. I am in desperate need of a good book, but I am too lazy to go to the book store...how dumb is that. Well...I am going to find something to watch on TV...later.

2005-07-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

It is sunday already, I can't believe it. I feel like it was just Friday, when the excitement of the upcoming weekend was still in the air. OH well...another one bites the dust I guess. The weekends never live up to my expectations..."sigh". Last night my friend Heather and her boyfriend John came over to my house. My mom is away for 2 weeks (she is in Tahiti with her boyfriend), and I told Heather she could sleep over. Behind my house there is a fire department, and they were having this big party, and fireworks, and all that good stuff. Heather and John came over and we started playing drinking games, of course, Brian did not want to participate. After a few games we decided to walk to the fire department and check it out. We were all feeling a lil tipsy, except for Brian of course. We are almost there and me and Brian get into a fight because He was not really into going to the party, and he made a comment that he was the only one not drunk, and I said "That is because you have been playing video games for the past 2 hours." That set him off and he said he wasn't going and he turned around and went home. WONDERFUL! So now I am at this party with my friend and her boyfriend, who don't think twice about sucking eachother's faces off for hours, no matter who is there. It ended up being an OK evening, but I got trashed, and now I am VERY HUNGOVER!!! I hate hangovers. No one else is hungover but me. WTF?? They drank just as much as I did! Anyway, I am starting to feel normal now, which is great since it is 7 PM at night. We went to see "The Wedding Crashers" today, and it was AWESOME! It is one of the few movies I want to add to my DVD collection. I only buy movies that I know I could watch again...I am very picky. Rachel McAdams was in it, and she is so pretty is makes me nauseous. So, I guess I will go...

2005-07-15T21:15:00.000-07:00

It is now 12:15 AM on friday night, saturday morning if you want to be exact. Brian is now at Borders Books waiting on a long ass line for a Harry Potter book. We drove through there before with my friend, and there were all these crack heads waiting on that line dressed up in Harry Potter costumes....I mean COME ON! I thought the maniacs that wait on those lines at the movies for Star Wars were psychos, but now Harry Potter! What is this world coming to? It seems that people need something to obsess over in order to distract them from their own lives...or maybe I am looking a little too far into it. Brian is a fanatic over things...more than any other person I have ever met. When he is interested in something, he is really interested! Before Brian came along, I would have never even known what Funcoland was, or that it changed into Gamestop. I would never have known that midnight releases happened for video games, let alone Harry Potter books. I would never have even realized that people would consider people you meet on the internet friends. It seems that before Brian,I was surrounded by all of the same kind of people. No one I knew before Brian was like Brian. He has caused me to broaden my horizons...I know more about video games than I ever thought I would know! I remember 4 years ago, my younger sister was buying her boyfriend an xbox, and I had no idea what an xbox was. I needed someone to explain it to me. Now I know all about xbox's, playstations, skinny playstations, game cube...Brian has had them all! Anyway...enough about Brian...I am going to bed!
P.S. Brian just came back empty handed!!

2005-07-15T17:56:00.000-07:00

It is friday, usually a joyous day for me. For some reason it isn't this week. Maybe it is the crappy weather looming ahead, or the fact that I am just plain bored. As you have probably read, I had another job interview today. This one is to be a children's counselor for a domestic violence shelter. I thought I did decent, but I have learned not to get my hopes up. I still haven't heard back from the interview I had on monday...which would probably be my first choice. It is a job I know I can do, where as the job I interviewed for today, would be a challenge for me because I have had very little experience working with children that have fallen victim to domestic violence. I wonder how many more interviews I will have to suffer through in that stuffy suit before I get hired?? I am sorry, but I think my suit may factor into me getting the job. In the store it looked decent. But once I brought it home and tried to sit down in the suit, I realized that I look like a stuffed sausage in it. I am not trying to blame the suit for my rejections, but it may play a slight role. Who knows. So, last night, I went to a Tegan and Sarah concert with Brian in the city. Once we neared Webster Hall (where the concert was being held), I decided I didn't want to go. First of all, we passed by it at 6:00 p.m. and the line full of freaks was down the street. "OK", I told myself, "just because you are different does not mean you can't go watch this concert." I felt that I was immediately back in high school again. I felt that I didn't fit in. But whatever, we still had to eat before we went to join the line. Finding somewhere to eat was another story. There was an organic french cafe, or an organic burrito place. Maybe we should have eaten in times square. After circling Webster Hall a few times, I saw the water in the desert. UNO PIZZERIA! I love chains. I know they are always going to have something I want. We were very happy to be there, to say the least. Anyway, besides standing up for 3 hours, stuffed like sardines, the concert was good. Tegan and Sarah were awesome, and the opener was even good. Brian loved the opener so much that the first thing he did when he woke up was make a bee line for the internet (what else is new), and download the CD off of itunes and download them on his IPOD. All day he listened to them...and he is probably listening to them now...

2005-07-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

This is a passage I read from a book "Kiss my Tiara,"(which I recommend reading...it is very liberating):

First and Foremost, remember: The twenties basically suck.
Lots of People will tell you that the twenties are basically the best years of your life. Do not believe them. They are either sadists or morons.
The early twenties can be a real shocker, especially if you've been in school all your life. All the prescriptive ground rules of high school and college that everyone spent years bitching about are suddenly gone, leaving you in free-fall. Suddenly, just when your legally old enough to drink, you have to pay rent and taxes. Student loans come due. You're no longer surrounded by cohorts who are happy to stay up until 4:00 am discussing Alice Walker and drinking Jello-O shots. The big three L's of adulthood-labor,love and location loom as a giant question mark.
If you're straight, suddenly everyone's trying to fix you up with their dumb-ass nephew and telling you that if you don't hurry up and settle down, you'll be bitter and lonely by the time your thirty.
In the middle of all of this, your expected to map our your future.
Is it any wonder that people in their twenties often have nervous breakdowns, develop hypochondiria, get married too young to the wrong people, or voluntarily apply for interminable Ph.D. programs?
Look, since your twenties are basically going to be chaos anyway, do as my grandma said to do: Take advantage of them and use the time to get some real life experiences. Travel, if you can. Tray a new city. Suffer through a bunch of humiliating entry-level positions int he name of "comparison shopping."
Waitress in a scummy bar while you take voice lessons during the day or pursue your painting. Work for noble causes and nonrofits you believe in; chances are, like most do-gooder organizations, they'll pay you crap, treat you like shit, and work you to death, but hey! It beats becoming a corporate weenies at 23 and working 80 hour weeks for some cryptofascist corportation that leaves you with zilch for a soul.
Now is the time when you can afford to experiment. For never again will you think it's kind of groovy to share an apartment with 2 other girls in the meat-packing district and eat dinner every night at bars that serve free ravioli and nachos during happy hour.

This passage I must have reread about 4 times, and then read it to Brian. I had an "Aha" moment, where I felt that someone finally understood what I was going through. I am only 23 years old, and I feel that I am under so much pressure to decide what I am going to pick as a job, when I am going to have children, and when I am going to get married! I still feel like I am 20! Well...I am sure I am not alone.

2005-07-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

I know it is probably wierd to have a picture of a dog on my blogger, but lets be honest here, how many pictures of myself can I put up before I seem like a wierdo with too many pictures of myself. So, this is Cooper. My sister got him about 2 years ago from Yuppy Puppy. My grandma went against my parents wishes and bought her a dog. She wanted a little dog so she could tote him around like Paris Hilton does...dogs are the new accessory. The novelty wore off real quick, and when she moved into my mom's house she brought the dog with her. This caused some problems, because in my mom's house we already have one dog, Simba. My mom is counting the day until Simba dies...(as horrible as that sounds), so she was less then thrilled to have a second dog. Not to mention he is unruly and undisiplined and was barely housetrained. Of course I take him under my wing and get very attached. Soon after she moved in she met her boyfriend. He is 34 and owned a house. She became incognito, and was very rarely seen. In the mean time the dog greatly improved. He is a pomeranian, and they are yappy by nature, but he was potty trained and started listening when I reprimanded him. He started sleeping in my bed every night, and I was convinced that I would keep this dog forever. My mom drops the bomb that she is sending him down to Florida with my grandmother because her boyfriend Steve is allergic to him. Now, this dog does not even shed...he just didn't want the dog around. I got into a little tift with him, and told him that he has his own house and he didn't have to be in our house. I knew that my mom had grown to love Coop, but she was torn. I raised hell, and sure enough I got the dog to stay. My mom also felt that since Simba only had a couple years left to live, and he seemed to "come alive" since Cooper had moved in, she felt it would be best to keep the dog. SOOO....now the dog is mine and he sleeps with me every night and he makes me laugh everyday. He is a little bit of a brat, but nothing we can't work on. Well anyway, today is thursday and Brian and I are going to a Tegan and Sarah concert tonight in the city. OHHH...and I still haven't heard back about my interview I had on monday....!! I am feeling very rejected today. Everytime the phone rings I hope that it is her calling to tell me I got the job...! I have another interview tomorrow at a domestic violence shelter...so we shall see. I gotta run....

2005-07-12T11:39:00.000-07:00

Another Tuesday...and nothing exciting has happened yet. It is my mother's birthday today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! Brian, Shannon, Kevan, and myself took my mom out to lunch today. I called my younger sister to go, but her phone kept getting cut off, and she said she probably couldn't go because she might have to work. I got a call from her during lunch, and she was all pissed off at me that we went without her, but she never called me back!! I am not going to chase her around...!! She loves to blame me for everything...it is not my fault she doesn't come around and keep in contact with her family! Oh well....what else should I expect from her? Well, enough complaining. I have this religous class tonight at the church where my nephew is getting baptized. I am going to have to go there and pretend that I am an active Christian...I hate lying. I got another call today for a job interview, to be a childrens counselor at a domestic violence shelter. I am not really sure why I sent them my resume to begin with, because I have no experience counseling children that have been abused. I still haven't gotten a call from the school district, or a call from my job interview that I had yesterday. I would like to know what the status of the job interview I had yesterday is, because I would like to take that job if it was offered to me. I am starting to feel a little rejected. Sure, they must like my resume, but my interview skills must suck. I would think that would be my selling point, but apparantly not. Well...I am off to take my dogs to my sisters to play with Cujo...I will write again soon.