This weekend, my friend Heather and her boyfriend broke up. It is sad when things like this happen to people you know. Break ups suck! No matter who does the dumping, it is heart breaking either way, even if it is for the best. I never want to go through that again, it has to be the worst feeling in the world. So, Heather met this guy in October of last year. He is in the navy, and would come home sporadically throughout the year. He came home in June for good, and they have been together excusively since. Heather is the type of girl that always had her life mapped out. She wanted to be engaged by 25, married by 27, kids by 29...white picket fence...blah blah blah...the all american dream. Things have not been working out according to her plan. Needless to say, her boyfriend has had a trip planned to go to Amsterdam for 10 days with a friend, and she has been dreading it for months. They are the type of couple that fight a lot, but when they are good, they are good. Sure enough, Heather and I go out on saturday night, and they ended up breaking up that night as well. Brian seems to think that it is because he wants to fuck around in Amsterdam, and of course I didn't think he would go to that extreme to have a few cheap thrills. Sure enough, it sounds like he was right. Heather has been crying and lying around depressed, and she went to drop his things off today at his house and they went out to lunch. I thought she was going to tell me that she was getting back with him, and as selfish as that sounds, I was going to be mad. Sometimes you get to a point as a friend that you have heard the same thing over and over again, and have given the best advice you can think of, and it is frustrating when after all that work and time she still ends up going back with the person. I know that everyone does what they want to do, and I have no control over their decisions, but it is frustrating nonetheless.
You know, everytime I go to a wedding I get a feeling that I don't buy into all of the wedding hooplah. The white dress, and the tux, and all of the people there to witness it...I don't know. I was not one of those girls that grew up dreaming of what their wedding was going to be like, and what kind of dress I was going to wear. When the day comes I want something small, and casual. I am a pretty cynical person when it comes to marriage. Every person in my family and extended family has divorced, and in a way I almost expect it. It is a lovely idea that a couple will stay together for the rest of their life, but is it realistic? At the same time, I also buy into wanting to be married by the time I am 30 and have children...etc. It is as if I am brain washed from so many years of hearing that if you are single in your 30's you are destined to die lonely. It is as if I want to know where I am going to end up. I appear calm, cool, and collected on the outside, but I am really a big ball of anxiety. Right now I have some many decisions to make. It was easier when I was in school and I knew my goal was to get my degree, and I knew what I wanted to major in. But now that it is over, I am left with what path do I take now? I do believe that whatever I choose to do will be what I am meant to do at that time. I am starting to feel this pressure now that the summer is coming to an end very quickly. People are starting to ask me when I am going to get a "real" job. I am dead broke. I want a job, but do I take a job that I don't want just for the sake of getting a pay check and experience? Or do I hold out for a job in the area I really want to be in? I know I need to just go with the flow...but it is starting to become very difficult.